I remember having so much anxiety when I was pregnant with my daughter (#2). I worried about if I would love her as much as my son. I just could not imagine loving another child as much as I loved my son. I mean, I really thought it was impossible. I think I also thought that it would take away from him if I "shared the love." It made me so sad to think that my second child (and possible subsequent children) would not be loved the same.
Well, all that worrying was for absolutely no reason. I don't know what I was thinking. I can't say that I love them the same or equally because it's really hard to measure how much I love them to begin with. But what I can say is that I love them both so much with every fiber of my being. I love them with everything in me. I just do. Loving them is so easy. So natural (even when they are screaming in my face at 2am or accidentally kick me in the nose while horse playing). I look at them and it just amazes. I can't measure how much I love them, I can't fit it in a container. There's no depth or width or height. All I can say is that I love them to infinity and beyond. Sometimes I'm so happy that I could burst with joy. What a blessing these two are! Such hardwork (lol) but such a blessing.
I also worried about my son (#1) feeling left out or as if he's replaced when his sister arrives. I sure didn't want him to feel less loved because my attention was now divided. Well, all that worrying was in vain too. Although it's hard, especially at first juggling two young kids (and yes it does feel like juggling sometimes)--you find a way to make it work. I'm not saying that my son hasn't tried me so that he can get some attention (even if it's negative attention). But he knows he's loved despite his little sister being added to our family. Hubby and I spend a lot of time with the kiddos together but we also take turns spending alone time with each kid. In fact, last Friday I took my son out on a date (we went to get ice cream at our favorite shop and then we visited the pet store). I know--cheap date but he was so happy. We talked about his day and had fun playing at the ice cream shop (they have a little play area for the kids). And the pet store visit was awesome. It's like a cheap version of the zoo/aquarium BUT he loved it! It doesn't take much to fascinate and entertain my 2 year old. As our kids get older we plan to make it a regular thing for us to take them on dates individually. I really look forward to future dates with each kid.
So let me also add some realness. Being a mom is challenging period. Being a mom of 2 is even more challenging (for me at least). Yes, it's overall awesome and I wouldn't have it any other way but it's difficult. My kids are 2 years and 3 months apart. Although my son is potty trained fully, he's a little squirt and still needs my help to the potty. He never has accidents (not even at night) but he wakes me up at night when he wants to use the potty. This was ranging anywhere from 0-6 times per night. NO joke. Imagine doing that while trying to nurse a newborn in the middle of the night (it was so hard, especially on the nights my husband worked).
For someone as Type A as me, I've learned to lower my expectations to preserve my sanity. I've realized that it's impossible to do an awesome job at everything all the time. I've realized that it's ok to let my 2 year old watch a little TV so I can tend to his sister then make it up later by spending special time with him. I've realized that it's ok for us to not all have dinner as a family at the table every night. These are just some of the realizations I've had.
I've only been a mom of 2 for 3 months but I'm loving it. It's challenging and some moments I feel like crying (lol) because I don't feel like I have it together. But I remind myself that I'm doing the best I can and that my kids seem to be very content. One of my biggest realization is how my love for my kids give me the strength to deal with the challenging times.
Thankfully for now, my son loves his little sister and she smiles and coos at him all the time. He's protective of her and showers her with kisses. I know the day will come when they'll have nonstop fights so I'm basking in this time when they are so sweet to each other.
So overall things are tough and it's an adjustment for all of us BUT overall we are all doing great AND I thank God for that.